April 14, 2012A Bi-Submissive's Journey in the Vanilla World

Day 1 of My 30 Days of Kink

Anal Beads
Anal Beads (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

I am a sexual submissive, my non-sex life is a different story. I don’t know what it is but, a guy telling me to suck his cock, or that  I’m not all owed to cum is one of the most arousing situations I can think of….except for maybe me and another sub (sex doesn’t matter) both working on a Dom or following his commands, mmmmm!
I would be lying if I said the only part about BDSM that I found intriguing was the sexual aspect, it’s not. I love the idea of having a Dom who knows me well enough, that he can tell when I’m emotional overwhelmed or shutting off my emotions altogether. I want a Dom that will give me the pain that I need to feel in order to actually feel my emotions, then I want him to fuck me hard, wrap me up and hold me when we’re done….is that too much for a girl  to ask for?
I need a Dom that helps me stay focused and gives me tasks to do for him throughout the day. I also need the reassurance and care that a Dom provides. I don’t think most people iin the vanilla world realize the amount of communication and attention that is required to maintain a Dom/sub relationship; perhaps, there is a part of me that needs a higher level of attention and care in order for me to feel safe and valued.
I haven’t had enough experience with women sexually to know if my feelings about having a Domme are the same as those I have towards a Dom. Personally, all of the Dommes that I’ve talked to so far have been pretty bitchy. I don’t want or need that, I can be a bitch on my own.  I guess another part of having a Dom that attracts me is having someone strong enough to make the decisions, so I don’t always have to make them. Don’t get me wrong, I DO NOT EVER WANT TO BE A SLAVE!!!!! I don’t think that there’s any chance that I would be able to have a succesful relationship, if I weren’t even allowed to express my ideas and opinoins.
Oh yeah, did I mention that the idea of sucking my Dom’s cock while I have my hands playing with his balls, is intoxicating. I love the idea of having anal beads up my ass while having my Dom spank me, but him not allowing me to  cum until he gives me permission. I get wet just thinking about my Dom attaching a remote control butterfly to my clit, or having me insert Ben Wa balls while I work…..and me begging him to fuck me! I didn’t want you to think that the sex isn’t a part of it, it is such a yummy part of it.
Well that’s the end of my 1st day of kink; feel free to tell me what you think ;).
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18 comments

  1. Did you climb inside my head and read my brain like a newspaper? I would paste and copy all the parts that really spoke to me, but that would be the whole article. Thanks. I needed someone to “get me” today.

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      • Well, I didn’t figure out I was a sub until last year….I’ve been with my husband for 18 years, so I did a complete 180. I grew up in an abusive household and I tested him to make sure he wouldn’t hit me when we were dating. He will try to Dom me sometimes, but it doesn’t really work for me; in our vanilla life, every final decision is up to me (unless I refuse to make a decision). It’s been a REALLY rocky road. We had agreed I could have an online Dom, and it really helped with my need. But, I experienced a loss and just stopped talking to him…I kinda shut down in my grieving. Well, of course the cravings and need have come back, but he doesn’t want me to even have an online Dom.

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      • I guess I should stop feeling sorry for myself then. Mine is trying for hard to Dom. He is new. Sometimes I crave to put myself into the hands of a Dom who is an expert at it. If just for a night.

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      • I have written the words, “He will have to learn to Dom me or let me have one.” He found those words. He has been stepping up ever since. The more you deny that part of yourself the stronger the cravings will grow. (I know.) Has he tried anything kinky with you?

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  4. In the bedroom I do at least get my beads ;)….but he won’t spank me, not more than one or two swats. When we talked about it a few weeks ago, he said that he knew I was going to do what I wanted anyway. I said I wouldn’t talk to the Dom I’d found, but I still talk to him. He has access to the account that we use to talk, it was part of our original agreement, so he knows. I feel guilty, but if I could go without a Dom I would. God knows that I’ve tried :(.

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