gallery A New Start & Day 7 of My 30 Days of Kink

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I feel like I’m at a point of re-growth in my life. When my father died last year, it had a greater effect on me than I thought it would. Part of it, was that I realized that I didn’t know how long I have left on this Earth, and there are a hell of a lot of things that I want to do before my time is up. I also realized that I need to be more healthy, I don’t want to go down the same road as him.
I never really thought about my health until recently, don’t get me wrong I realized that I am overweight and I need to exercise more. What I didn’t realize was that in many ways I’d given up, I was in pain during every minute I was awake,and it had gotten to the point where I was waking up in the middle of the night because I was in pain.
Pain is a tricky and wicked bitch; if it becomes a constant state, it will eventually leave you feeling defeated and hopeless. I know this to be true, because that’s what it did to me. I got to the point where I was only getting a few hours of sleep every few days, then pray that exhaustion would hit & I would get some sleep. The pain became so great I began to feel like my life had no quality to it; I wasn’t able to enjoy anything because I either hurt too damn much to enjoy it, or too fucking much to even attempt doing anything. By mid-February, I was in so much pain it was difficult to type…and let’s face it, it’s impossible to be a writer if you can’t write.
I have gained more weight since I got the news my shoulder joints were dying, then I’d care to admit. When the doctor told me 9 years ago that I wasn’t supposed to raise my arms over my head, pick up more than five pounds or carry my baby, I began to think my life was pointless. I was pissed because I felt like I’d already lost so much to MS (Multiple Sclerosis), it just fucking didn’t seem fair. What I didn’t see at the time was that it didn’t matter if it was fair or not, it was just the way things were. I quit trying.
But guess what? I recently remembered that this is my life, therefore it is my choice if I decide to let MS control my life & my answer: HELL FUCKING NO!!!!
I had surgery last week, and I’m still in pain and I have bruises all over my arm. I look like I was beaten and not in a fun way :(. Today, I went to my first physical therapy session and my surgical bandages were removed. The physical therapist was amazed to see how well I was doing; apparently, most people don’t have the range of motion that I’ve got this early on. I am the girl who was determined to walk by the night of my prom, and not only did I do that but I danced at that bitch too. Today, I realized that I’m still the girl who overcame quadriplegia and didn’t care what anyone thought about me showing up at my prom bald. Fuck ’em! If it took 27 doses of chemo & a little hair loss to get me back on my feet, then that’s what I was going to do!
Today, I AM TAKING MY LIFE BACK!!!!!! I am going to start eating the right foods and exercising,because I’ve still gotta a whole lot of life & a whole lot of fight in this body of mine. Plus,I’ve got a ton of sexual fantasies that I’ve not gotten to try yet. I’ve never been spanked while being fingered between each swat, sign me up! There’s a certain Dom that I’d like to meet up with,he eases my fears and lets me vent when I’m stressed out; he also makes me beg and say all kinds things that embarrass me,and throws in a little dash of humiliation on the side when I want to cum. He knows that even while I’m trying to protest & terribly embarrassed when I do these things,that my pussy is soaking wet and I’m on the edge of cuming.
So do I want to become more healthy for myself? Yes, of course. But you’ve got to admit all of the wonderful things we can try that keep running through my head, are a damn good source of motivation ;)!
Oh yeah,this also helps me explain the question for DAY 7 OF MY 30 DAYS OF KINK
My favorite sex toy is my brain …..yep, my brain! If my Dom has me describe a fantasy in explicit detail or what happened the last time that I came, there’s no sex toy that can compete with that in my book. How else can I go from being in the middle of a gang bang, licking the juice out of someone’s pussy, and then been fucked in all three holes within a matter of minutes?

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2 comments

  1. This is such a beautiful post… i’m so sorry about the loss of your father but I wish you all the best in recovering and the journey your going on – and look forward to reading more! Miss A xo

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