I’m 20, female, and have been in a D/S relationship for a little over two years. But I have was with my Dom with three years before I became his submissive. The last week has been kind of…weird between us. He’s been verbally abusive and extremely mean. Tonight he went out with a friend who he goes out with every Thursday almost religiously. He normally leaves around 2pm and comes home around 8pm or so. Tonight he came home at 12:10am, drunk as all hell (Cont)


the minute he got him I asked what happened and asked if everything was ok because he seemed grumpy. Big mistake.
He grabbed me by my throat and pinned me against the wall, called me a stupid bitch and told me to go up to bed. That’s when I noticed a 1-1.5 inch gash on his arm. That’s when the girlfriend in me came out. I asked what happened, if he was ok, why he was cut. He then back handed me and told me if I didn’t go to bed he’d drag me upstairs and lock me in the room. So I did.
I don’t know what the hell to do. I’ve never seen him like this. I want to draw the line and say ” No! You need to tell me what the fuck happend because I am your submissive but I’m your girlfriend first.” But I don’t know If I’d be crossing a line as a submissive. I’m sorry if this is a stupid thing to ask, I’m still really new to all this.

RD: Anywhere. You can draw the line anywhere. Participating in BDSM doesn’t man you can’t draw lines wherever you damn well please. BDSM should serve to make you happy and enrich your life, not to limit you and keep you silent in potentially dangerous situations. Don’t ever worry about being a bad sub. You are his girlfriend first, he treated you poorly, and it doesn’t matter what kind of power dynamic you’ve agreed to normally. He crossed a line, so you need to talk outside the power dynamic. That’s both allowed and recommended. But honestly, that pretty much just straight up sounds like abuse. Being in a d/s dynamic doesn’t mean you can’t be abusive or abused. If anything, it leaves you more open to that kind of thing, because of concerns like being a “bad sub” or what have you. Take care of yourself first. BDSM should serve you, and then your relationship… not the other way around.

JS: I’d say he scored a 0 out of 3 on the BDSM Safe, Sane And Consensual scale. Being in a D/s relationship DOES NOT mean its ok for him to abuse you because he is your Dom.

GD:  Whenever. You. Want. Period. Non-sexual, sexual, mid-scene, in an elevator, whatever. You have rights as a human and a sub. No one should harm you in anger, let alone a “loved one”. Its time to safeword it up and talk on an even level. As a human being and a concerned girlfriend (and submissive) of course you’re going to be concerned! Its in our nature to love, protect, and serve our Masters. When that’s thrown back in your face you have every right to step back and reevaluate things.

Personally, I’d be gone. I grew up in a house where my father was abusive to me. I’ve had a rule since I first left at 16, you hit me and I’m gone. I know it’s hard when you feel like you love someone, but you need to love yourself more than anyone else. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. IMO, a dom/me is supposed to help their submissive become the best person they can be.


Give it to me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s