A Step In The Right Direction

I’m sure that many of you noticed my melancholy mood earlier this week, well I’m working hard to change it. I became overwhelmed with sadness at the thought of having no form of BDSM relationship in my life. I’ve been trying to seriously evaluate my feelings, needs, cravings, and circumstances.
I’ve come to the conclusion that: I need someone who will spank my ass every once in a while (more often is welcome, too), tell me what to do in order to create the mental freedom of responsibility that allows me to do the things I really want to do, but without the guilt, and most importantly (but difficult to admit) I need the attention that a Dom gives a sub.
I crave the discussions that a sub has with their Dom, the honesty and care that these conversations entail. I crave the connection and trust that are developed in a Dom/sub relationship. I am not saying that it’s impossible for these things to exist in a Vanilla Relationship, but they are no longer apart of mine. In my Vanilla Relationship, I think my partner assumes that I’ll be attentive, loving and sexual with him; perhaps because we’ve been a couple for 18 years, he takes it for granted that I will be supportive & caring towards him. I don’t know why, but it doesn’t seem to register with him that I require the same type of nurturing.
Over the past week, I’ve realized that when my needs are being met then I’m a much better, more caring, affectionate and attentive wife. I have also realized that I’m not going to have this type of relationship with my partner anytime in the near future. Guess what? I’m tired of siting around annoyed, ignored & unsatisfied…so I’m going to actively pursue what I need in order to be fulfilled with my life. Mama’s ready to get her freak on 😉 !